Part two of, who am I kidding?
Number of miles ran: 15.5
Workout thought for Monday: My body feels like crap on a stick. Why am I doing this? Should I be ignoring this pain? This can’t be normal. Thank God for my Laptop and my What’s Happening DVD.
Workout thought for Tuesday: Talk to me just a little longer friend. No seriously, in order to get myself through the torture, I had to call and make a friend of mine talk to me. We had nothing at all to talk about, but even hearing her breath was better than thinking about running. Damn, this sounds negative!
Workout thought for Wednesday: This should have been my strength training day, I did one plank and rolled on the ball for like 3 mins, and decided I just couldn’t do it. I have no idea where my motivation is this week or why I am in so much pain but I just couldn’t push through it and thus, I decided I only deserve a PB&J sandwich for dinner that night. Oh, and one adult beverage with a friend I hadn’t seen in forever.
Workout thought for Thursday: The next day, I read a billion running websites, until I read one that said what I needed it to say; that it’s ok for me to skip a workout or two if I needed. So I skipped today. I figure if I made myself do it, I was going to have 3 runs that week that made me question everything there was to question about why I run. I didn’t need the negativity, so I let my body rest and promised myself I would do my 8 miler this weekend. Jesus, help me now!!!
Workout thought for Saturday: On Friday night, after stalking the group run site, I decided I didn’t want to run with the group. Reason number one, they were doing a trail run and I was nervous about having my first 8 miler be on a new surface. And two, because I saw not one person on the list that was running anywhere near my distance, and wasn’t going to run along in an unpaved trail. So I set my alarm at 8:45 am planning to get out at 9am. At 10:51, I was out the door. Was that laughter I just heard?
The first two miles were difficult. However, when I decided to focus on my posture and pick up my speed I had two miles of really kick ass running. Averaged about a 9:10 pace and it felt GOOD! I began to think, does my body just not like running at slower paces? Are they harder on my body? Why does it hurt so much to run slower? And how does increasing my speed make it so much easier? And most importantly, which running God do I need to screw to be able to gain the stamina to run more that three miles at that speed?
Around mile 5, I decided to try the new Clif Gel I bought at Whole Foods, because I was starting to tire and the PB and Crackers I had before the run, was starting to wear off. First thought…it tastes like crap. It’s like swallowing snot or some other bodily function I won’t mention. The consistency is whackadocious and the taste is hideous. Rasberry was more like Ras-butt. Second thought, 2 miles later, damn, I have to poop.
At 6 miles into the run, I realized two thing. The Clif Gel did NOTHING for me. And I am completely spent. I passed the next couple of minutes talking myself out of stopping. Would I fail if I stopped? Would I be able to start back up again? Do I have money for a cab? Long story short, I didn’t stop, I got all the way to eight miles, walked for two minutes and took a break to stretch. Then I started to walk the next half mile to my car. BAD F&*KING IDEA! My legs were stiff as boards, and my knees were on fire. And to top it off, it was allllllllll UPHILL! I have never really like the FML phrase, I find it self-pitying and whiny. However, if I’ve ever had a moment where it fit perfectly, this would be it.
When I finally got back to the car and finally home, I soaked in a tub for 35 minutes. And today, I am STILL SORE. FML!!!!
What’s on my I-Phone radio while running: I decided to go back to my roots and rock my Janet Jackson Pandora Station this week. However, when I was soaking in the tub, I dialed up my Luther Vandross Pandora Station. Pure heaven!
The song that saved my butt this week: My Loving (Never Gonna Get It) by En Vogue
Low moment: See Wednesday and Thursday ={
High Moment: I finished 8 miles and didn’t die!
End of the week thought: Serious business, I am contemplating pushing my half back. I feel like I am NOT ready. I know you guys tell me I can do it, and I do think I can but I am in so much pain and my body doesn’t seem to be getting used to it. I keep icing and everything and I am still in pain. I think my body is trying to tell me something…am I being too stubborn to listen? Or are my expectations of enjoying this process not realistic? I guess the biggest thing is I need to get back to the place where running doesn’t feel like a really bad chore. Like washing dirty dishes or cleaning the toilet or having sex with your partner when you really do have a headache. Ughhhh!!!
Anywho, I am going to adjust my training schedule this week just to catch up. This weekend calls for a 10k test run instead of a long run. But since I only did 15 miles last week, I am going to try my 9 miler this week. And maybe do the 10k next week. Wish me luck! and send PILLLLLLS! STRONG ones!!!
An anonymous black girl who really wants to love to run again ={
