I’d like to believe that everyone has back pimples just as everyone has excuses. Otherwise, I’d feel really gross and slothful. In an effort to laugh at the many I have, I’ve decided to create a list of excuses why I am still on a treadmill 4 weeks into my training.
Some of these are funny, but I’m being serious. Maybe you fearless, cold-insensitive, outside runners can help me cope and get off my hamster wheel ASAP!
1) I’m afraid of dogs. Not all dogs, just the ones with teeth and really icky owners who don’t realize their dogs only look friendly to them. I’ve been nipped by two dogs in the past whose owners have told me their dogs don’t bite. All dogs bite, clearly. They just rarely bite people they know. But me, a strange black woman running at the speed of light (or 6mph), I’m sure they’d find tasty.
2) I’m scared of being attacked by what lurks in the outside. I live in DC and I’ve heard way too many times of people getting mugged, raped, attacked while running. I know that my less pigmented brothers and sisters are very fearless in that sense, but I like my life and fear it being taken.
3) Since starting my program, I’ve developed a new pooping schedule that includes the need to go 10 mins into my run. I can usually hold it until the end and dart upstairs, just making it in time. What happens if I’m miles away from home? I’m too young to wear Depends.
4) Before running I had pretty shapely legs, with only a couple of scars here and their. One of the benefits of running is that my legs will be even more shapely. But who cares if they are covered in scars from falling on pavement. Although, I read today that people actually do fall off treadmills (shout out to my new friend over at BlackGirlsRun) I think I can escape a treadmill fall with little more than a skinned knee.
5) Luckily enough for me, I live in a building of about 200 units, all who have owners that either work during the day or sit at home in front of the TV. Thus, I am completely alone when working out and get to do some of the following without ever being noticed.
- Yell expletives at the top of my lungs during hard runs
- pass an occasional air bubble or two (so elegantly put, yes?)
- Pull that really awful wedgie that has a great affinity toward my bottom.
- Utter off-key one-liners from songs. Well…more like one word, since I usually don’t have the energy to say more than a syllable
- Lastly, have the junk in my trunk jiggle uncontrollably without being noticed.
6) Although the fitness center in my apartment is cold when I arrive (due to my very unfit neighbors) it is a lot warmer than our average morning temperature of 25 degrees (feels like 22). This brings on a whole subset of excuses on why my body feels the need to be in the comfort of my warm hamster wheel.
- I have very sensitive teeth. Cold is my chomper’s kryptonite.
- I usually condition wash my hair, and being natural with a lot of long curly hair equals 24-36 hour drying process. My mama always told me “I’d get sick if I go outside with wet hair”.
- My ancestors are from Africa, and we ain’t used to no 15 degree weather.
- I have very dry skin and would literally turn into an alligator if I am in that weather 3xs a week. I think the world can do without another alligator on it’s running paths.
- My nose runs when I am cold. So I’m saving everyone the disturbing vision of me resembling Lloyd Christmas in Dumb and Dumber.
Needless to say, I’m going to have to do it eventually. So maybe you guys can offer some remedies. If not, hopefully you can have a good laugh =P
an anonymous black girl who despises running
Ok first off, your comment on my boob loss post was HILARIOUS! I am sorry to tell you that there is in fact a size “less than 34A”
LOL! But it’s ok because like you said, killer legs are def a bonus! 
Next, I love this list! LMAO!
Finally… adding you to my reader now. I’m thinking you are about to be one of my new fav bloggers! Thanks for swinging by my digs!
you live in DC? how cool! i was born and raised there. have you read my post on running the marine corp marathon up there this past october?
http://becelisa.wordpress.com/2009/11/17/running-past-yesterday/
i love this list too. my suggestion … get a running partner. preferrably someone who runs slower than you do so the vicious dog or would-be mugger gets them instead of you
@ Morgan, glad you enjoyed it. I love that post so much. But it was definitely a sad day in “A cup-ville” for me. Can’t wait to read more!
@becelisa, I did know you were from DC and I read that post which is reason number 2568598 I love your blog from the start. If you ever come home, we should run together, and find a slower 3rd person, so we are BOTH safe from the “elements” =)
Awesome
i’ll actually be there in may for my ~ dare i admit it ~ 20th highschool reunion. start looking for that 3rd person because i’ll run with you.
This was too funny! Hey, I like you … I’m gonna add you on to my list!
I used to be exactly like you. Except it was May when I was running the dreadmill afraid to go outside and then grateful it was cooler indoors then outdoors. Then I snapped out of it and realized I was 700 times more sucessful outdoors then in … I have a post on it, somewhere … I’ll hunt it down for you.
Agreed on the bridge thing actually! I too find things like that scary. That railroad trestle gets me everytime! The bridge was scary at first, especially when I discovered monster spiders lurking all over it! However, once you get up close to it and stare up at it, it suddenly becomes really cool and spectacular and less scary.
I hear ya on the muggers and dogs (and for me, mountain lions!) and the cold … but it’s really so rewarding to be outside. I promise.
So funny and such a coincidence that we posted similar entries on the same day! I wonder whether, when things go wrong and we need to take breaks, we need to think of the dangers of running so we feel better about being holed up inside? Another danger should be “being seen sweating like a beast by neighbors”–sooo embarrasing….
@ Kecheelus. Thanks!!! I’m glad my worst fears can entertain you =)
@ becelisa. It’s a date. Though, you might leave me at mile 3 =P And don’t feel bad about high school reunion. My 20th isn’t too far away either…
@rachael. Ok, the scary spiders don’t actually help me not be afraid. But I guess if I had mountain lions in my backyard, my fear factor might be a little less puny. Thanks for adding!
@Laura. Hahaha! Yeah, I basically have crotch sweat in the shape of a bikini every time I work out. However, since I teach dance 5 times a week, I’ve gotten really used to it. It’s sort of cute actually. Ok, not really…but I’m sure people get a good laugh out of it. Thanks for visiting!
You need a running buddy. I picked up running over 30 after my 4th child. I was 70 lbs over weight and decided… what the hell! People laughed at me (secretly of course). I ran my first block and knew it was the sport for me. It was painful… EXCRUTIATING… but I survived to go back out that evening and try it again. I now run every single day and my short runs are 3-4 miles.
I have a running buddy that makes me run outside no matter what, because she doesn’t have the time to get to a gym, I have one that makes me sprint at the end of every single run, and I have one that makes me go at night… and I have a fear of being out at night. Not anymore. We all run… and not always together, but sometimes a runner needs to be by themselves on a run. The only thing I know to tell you, is that in order to get over your fear, you have to face it. Runners run because the physical pain is easier to cope with than the emotional. Don’t think… JUST RUN!
Love your blog! Glad you decided to take up the sport. Runners need other runners. We are the only ones who get us!
@Jen, I completely agree with you. I am realizing how lonely it is on that treadmill. I would never have gotten pass week two if it wasn’t for this blog. It holds me accountable and gives me others to share experiences with. Thanks for visiting! And ps, checked out your blog…the song is one of my favorites. I actually danced a piece to that with my daughter some years ago. It was the sweetest thing we’ve ever done together. So when I hear it, it always makes me smile. I’m glad you started running too! You are right, we need each other =P